Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
we're so committed to being not committed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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