he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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