Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
