I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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