The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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