opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
