Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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