Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Barsexuality is the new black.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize