It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
