i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
