WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
