Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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