There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
