well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
