What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
