I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have post one night stand depression
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