Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
