i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
