Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
