I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
