Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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