My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Say something about gay babies.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize