Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
