If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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