This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
