i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
