She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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