she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Houston, we have a squirter
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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