It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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