Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Text me some of your sweat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
