Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
