Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
