yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
