i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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