I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
