I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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