i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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