No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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