put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
