I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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