Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
