I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
