pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
