Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
