we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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