I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize