Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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