you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize