Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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