Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
