1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
