I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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