Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
