There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
