Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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