It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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