totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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