Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
