I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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