last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
