i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Found your dick twin last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize