apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
