I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
