Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
