Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
only you would photoshop your dick
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
