im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize