yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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