I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
