I wanna passion pit in your ass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
