It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
