I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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