I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
