you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
