Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
