...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
