Farmville is her only friend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you made out with another girl for some wings
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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