I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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