She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
