I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
