he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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