I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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