She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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