some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
